i just got home tonite. and by that home i mean the us. it was fun. idk. unexpected friends came to pick me up w my brother. then co Nguyet called to check if i got home safe and asked me to come hang. then chi Thu said the kids were waiting for me. then i found out that ryan left my xmas gift and tastea for me. i dont love this country but hell yeah i love all the people here who make me feel so loved that all my sad feelings when i had to leave were gone. 4 years living here and i believe i ll learn more lessons than any other time periods in my life. 1.5 years have passed. now that im here already, lets just live life to the fullest and enjoy it here rather than just waiting for the day to go back to vn. yes im waiting, but there r still so many stuff i can do while waiting. until then, lets hope that i ll be fine and have such amazing time here. yup, until then...

how fast time flies. i cant believe i ll be gone in 2 more days already. and i cant believe my last entry was almost a week ago already. damn it i got drunk tonite after just like 2 cans of ken. it was such an irritating/funny feeling lol. i dont think i ll ever try drinking till i get wasted again, cause i threw up everything in the end and fell asleep when Dai was driving me home. he was cute. made me hug him so that i wouldnt fall. my feelings these days are so .... idk, changeable. im not that down bout my ex anymore. instead i keep thinkin bout another person lol. too bad only 2 more days ...

well what to say, the last few days have been so fun and fun. maybe its best that im leaving rite now so that i ll even wanna go back more. yup yup.

im still having headache so i think im gonna stop here.

i love u đuiếc friends :)

28 tết vui vẻ

nói chung là hnay tui khá vui. tui vẫn down down sáng nay nhưng mà bi h thì tui ngĩ t đã ok. tui chỉ cần ko biết ko nge ko thấy là tui sẽ ổn. fải kiềm lại sự tò mò để ko stalk her. nhưng mà ko có friend cho nên cũng ko stalk dc cho nên good good hehe. tối nay đi chơi tíu wá tới nỗi niềm vui lây wa luôn. hy vọng tui sẽ vui vầy wài. vậy đi. tạm biệt :)

season of broken hearts is almost over

Thảo đi học r nên Thảo ko còn viết blog cho Yến đọc nữa. nhưng dạo này tự nhiên Yến cũng thành fan của blog Hiền r. đọc blog hay any convo nào của đám này trên fb xong cũng tự nhiên feel good for no reason hehe.

i wanna write in vnmese but then it takes too long hehe. i really really dont wanna hide anything from u guys anymore so im just gonna say it here for this one time cus its too hard to say this in person. so i ll just type this down and i dont even know when u guys ll read this. just pls let me know if u did k :).

so we met today. i think u know who "we" are :). we hung out and kinda talked things through i guess. shes still disappointed in me for telling u guys bout us two hehe. i know i was selfish because believe it or not i dumped her for the longest time ever when she needed me the most. bottom line is that she never told anyone bout how cruel and ass and whatever the word u can use to describe a fucking heartless person is. but i did. its not only cause i was so down and felt so weird since we talked everyday and i had to keep such a secret, but also if i still have secrets from my besties (which is a kinda BIG one i ve kept for 19 years), then i really dont know where the world is going :o. i do also think that maybe she was right, getting her involved in this shit perhaps wasnt the best thing to do. i try not to keep the least secret from u guys as possible. and i think she might be the biggest secret ive ever had, and vice versa, im also her biggest secret :). shes not the one i used to know anymore. im not saying this cus i cant have her lol, no im not. shes just the popular girl i knew in 10th grade but now w a different look. i think im more mad because i cant accept the fact that she has someone else other than me, rather than i love her and i lost her. this is not love. forsuree. i just cant name it for now. for a childish selfish person like me, seeing something u used to own and then lost is not a very pleasant feeling at all! anyhow, since there was that time period i treated her so bad, im kinda happy now that shes happy. ive praying to be more patient and grown up and i think He is responding, slowly but very effectively. i need to get rid of this feeling asap and start being me again !!! bottom line is that i think we r cool w each other now and no theres no way in hell we r dating again. never ever!

i really dont wanna go back to the US now, bc of tui bay do !!! im having so much fun right now and its so freaken hard to imagine what im gonna miss out when i get back to nuoc My! mom joked today bout how i should move back to vn and go to RMIT if i wanted to. i believed her, damn! in the end i just realized that i love this country and no matter how bipolar i can be, Vietnam can never be a second choice <3.

i also hung out w Viet and his sisters today. its good to know that hes kinda back to the same old person i know him. i talked to thao bout this already if Dai or Viet asked now i wont say NO hehe. but then if they dont ask then i cant say YES either o.o! so yup, i ll keep praying to be more patient hehe.

k thats it for tonight i guess. kudos!!

im still in the search for God right now and i think im changing too, in a good way. now i understand why i kept feeling annoyed when someone mentioned Him when i wasnt a believer yet, cus forreal sometimes i just wanna talk bout Him only :). this is really hard to explain if u dont understand. im not trying to show off or anything. i just wanna say that Ive accepted Him in my life and if u see me keep changing in a good way, its Him :)

its so weird because the person who made me emotional today was my Dad o.o! he had to tiếp khách so he nhậu xỉn. he also has something in his eyes that makes him so irritating and he said he'd have to go to the hospital to have it checked tmr. i was so worried. i did and i ll continue praying about it tonight. he asked me to come into his room when he was lying on the bed and told me not to turn on the lights. i smelled something fishy already. and yes not very much to my surprise he started talking and crying. mom told me he always does that when he is xỉn but that was the first time i saw in in real life. he made me cry too :(. he said he loves me and my brother and that just give my bro the money he was asking for. oh gosh. still his trouble still his fucking spending habit and my Dad is still the one who gets hurt and loves us the most. because of that crap i didnt cry a lot lol. but still. i love my Mom and my Dad. i just realized how i shouldve spent more time with them. feeling so guilty right now.

thats all i can blog for now. i wanna cry again :(

story of our lives

oh gosh

even the intention to cheat is cheating already. i guess someone doesnt know it. im feeling so good right now and im not even lying about it. its like when ur after something that u think its so cool and colorful and u want it so bad. but hey, u want it, u dont need it. and one day u realize behind all those pretty colors is just something ugly and cheap and u just never ever wanna be part of it anymore. it was so weird cause i thought id feel really upset. i got kinda upset. and then after the talk i was like errr, thanks but no thanks. and from the bottom of my heart, i thank u because u make me feel so good while i should feel the opposite. i do feel thankful to u for revealing the truth bout u urself while i didnt even have to make u do that. at first i even tried to feel down a bit so that itd be like in some love story but then i couldnt :(. it wasnt just cause of this but it was also thanks to all the fun i had last night that i realized id rather spend time thinkin bout those people who really matter in my life other than some person who is so lame and cheap. so yeah. from now on if i ever blog bout sad stuff again it should either be bout my gaining weight or losing money o.o

talking bout love, we had such a mắc cười convo today didnt we Ku den haha. the part i remembered so clearly is this one
_I wont say no this time, but if he doesnt ask, i cant say yes :))
story of our lives isnt it?

Thank You again, Father, for showing me what to do so clearly this time. It just all makes so much sense now. You were always there helping me get out of this stuff, I just couldn't see it. People, don't judge because you can't understand. In the end, it always makes perfect sense. It always does. Trust me, and you will trust Him like I do.

bỗng nhiên tới một lúc nào đó, mọi chuyện cũng dần dần có ý nghĩa

giống như là ngày hwa, Chúa cho tôi 5 ng bạn thân thiết nhất. ko phải là tôi ko thương bạn tôi, nhưng tới lúc hoạn nạn tôi mới phải cảm ơn Chúa vì lúc đó mới nhận ra, 5 ng bạn ko phải chỉ để là bạn. họ là mọi thứ của tôi, là những gì tôi trân trọng nhất trên đời này. đúng, tôi nói thật.

ko phải vì tôi ko thương bamẹ tôi. nhưng ở cạnh bamẹ tôi ko dc làm chính tôi nữa. bí mật của tôi tôi giấu kín 19 năm nay, tới một lúc tôi nói ra dc v 4 đứa, tôi đã phải thốt lên, "lẽ ra phải nói sớm hơn v tụi bay". vì sao, vì chta là bạn. chỉ vậy thôi. vì chta là bạn. bamẹ thì khác, bamẹ cũng là bạn nhưng theo một cách khác. và ở cạnh bamẹ tôi có cảm giác như tôi là một đứa trẻ dc ng lớn kỳ vọng nhiều nhưng lại ko thể đạt dc những kỳ vọng đó. bí mật tôi nói ra thì có lẽ mọi thứ sẽ sụp đổ. cái cảm giác đó mệt lắm. giống như tôi là một ng khác khi ở v bamẹ. và tôi ko muốn.

hnay tôi đã thực sự fải tự hỏi v Chúa là tsao fải là tôi? tsao tôi fải thích con gái? tsao tôi fải thích n ng mà tôi ko thể nói tôi thích họ, cũng ko thể nói v ai khác là tôi thích họ? trong khi n đứa con trai khác có thể thoải mái theo đuổi n đứa con gái nó muốn, tsao tôi fải nvậy? tsao ko có một đứa con trai nào đó mà theo con Bom nói tôi nhớ mang máng là "m chỉ fải đợi gặp đúng đứa con trai đó thôi, m vẫn chưa thích con gái hoàn toàn mà?". đợi rồi có đến ko? có thì mau đi vì Chúa biết, tụi bay cũng biết, tôi ko fải là ng kiên nhẫn. tôi cần ở bên cạnh đám bạn vì n ngày này nỗi buồn nó cứ đến r đi, đến r đi. giống như hbữa tôi nói v ku là có lúc thấy im so cool thấy over it r mà có lúc lại down for no reason. or actually for some reason that i know exactly what it is, i just dont wanna face it :). nhưng mà vậy đó. có lúc vui có lúc buồn. nhưng biết vì sao tao vui ko? vì tao dc ở cạnh tụi bay đó. tao dc là chính tao dc uống ken mà ko bị đánh giá dc ăn tới nửa đêm mà ko bị nói.

cho nên tao ko muốn ở nhà ko hẳn vì tao chán, mà vì tao hay nghĩ quẩn lắm, tao hay cô đơn, tao hay buồn lắm. im at a very emotional stage right now. chỉ đi v tụi bay t mới wên hết mọi thứ thôi. nên tao muốn đi chơi v tụi bay hoài hoài. mà tao ko chắc đứa nào hiểu dc. thậm chí chỉ wa nhà mâu coi fim nằm ì vậy tao cũng vui. cho nên hãy hiểu cho tao nhé :)

cám ơn Bom n ngày vừa wa thương tao chiều tao đi chơi v tao wài tới nỗi ngán mặt t luôn. nhưng m vẫn ở đó v t và t biết m vẫn thương t lắm.

cám ơn con yêu Hiền chụp hình đẹp cho mẹ. con là đứa t cảm thấy khó gần nhất trong đám dù t đã cố hiểu m. nhưng ko sao. mọi thứ đều cần tgian. hãy dành tgian cho mẹ đi :)

cám ơn Mâu cô bé đàn ông tóc dài. t thích cái tv v cái fòng nhà m wá tuần sau t lê la wa đó m hãy đón tiếp t nhe. t thương m.

cám ơn Đại thương Đại nhiều t rủ đi ST 2 đứa cũng đi trời đất ơi haha. Đại dù ko thân nhưng sẽ mãi là ng bạn ko thể thiếu.

cám ơn Ku t mong m ở đây v t biết bnhiêu có biết ko? cám ơn vì sự có mặt trong tinh thần của m cũng như chuyện m coi t tin Chúa như một chuyện bình thường và fần nào ủng hộ t trong chuyện đó. and yes i did pray for u :) one day later thou :( cus i couldnt check ur blog on my bday. but still. i always keep u guys in my prayer almost every night :)

cuối cùng, cám ơn Chúa đã ở bên con và hiện diện vào những lúc con ko ngờ tới nhất. mọi thứ có thể ko như là tốt nhất v con như con muốn, nhưng đó là điều Chúa muốn thì con sẽ ko nghi ngờ gì hết. con cảm thấy con đang làm theo những gì con muốn hơn là những gì Chúa muốn, nhưng Chúa fải cho con thấy con đường Chúa muốn con đi, vì con sợ con sẽ lại đi lạc lần nữa. con sợ đau lắm :). con tin ở Ngài và con sẽ luôn như vậy. hãy hiểu cho con những lúc con sai lầm vì con cũng chỉ là con người yếu đuối và cuộc sống thì đầy rẫy những cạm bẫy. nhưng tới lúc nào đó con sẽ đủ chín chắn để tránh xa mọi thứ và chỉ tập trung vào những chuyện cần thiết. từ giờ cho đến lúc đó, hãy luôn ở bên con, bảo vệ con. cho con thấy con cũng đáng được cứu như bao nhiêu người vậy.

In Your precious name, I pray.

Amen.

A good person produces good deeds from a good heart, and an evil person produces evil deeds from an evil heart. Whatever is in your heart determines what you say. Luke 6:45.

I know it's kinda weird when I write about You on my blog, but I remember Mai Linh once saying something like we are not afraid to be different when I ask her isn't it weird when sometimes we hold hands and pray in restaurants when no one else does? Because I have been different ever since I started following You, Father, so I guess being a little bit more different will not hurt, will it :)? I think I kinda figured out what You want me to do. You sent me my wonderful amazing awesome friends because they are what I need, not that girl. You sent me my caring parents (who sometimes can be OVERcaring) to take care of me and always be there for me. You want me to care about people who deserve it. You want me to think about people who are worth it. I think I get it. But it should take another while now for me to ONLY care and think about people who really matter to me. So wait for me, until I can fully concentrate on You and those people only. I know You are always with me and will guide me through whatever crap life gives me. I will follow You.

and yesterday I heard something in Shes out of my league that I tâm đắc so much, "Let life come to you". This trip has been teaching/giving/taking away a lot from me. But you know what? You learn. And I am still learning. Everyday, every minute, every second.

weve been chatting for awhile now, and it doesnt make me the least happy to hear that one of my besties is going through one heck of a ko vui time. well, thats life u know. we r so different haha we just talked bout it but i still wanna mention it. i dont live for tomorrow. i live for today. i think i know why, i just could never say it. cus i like girls, and if some girl likes me back, i ll very likely say yes because its not everyday when some girl tells me that she likes me. thats the difference between people like me and the rest of the world. they can go out and do stuff and like people who they-are-supposed-to-have-feelings-for, but i cant. i have very very high standards for guys, and most of the time those guys that i actually set my eyes on wont even know who im lol. so yeah ive changed, because i ll do whatever i like whenever i want to (not this time thou cus i think i kinda still wanna hang out w her but i wont say a thing cus i feel like im betrayin my friends (i actually did once last week lol) and im aware that thats not the best thing to do now). but the bottom line is that i can get very wild and crazy now and no i dont think bout tomorrow. maybe thats part of the reason why i wanna hang w đuiếc so bad these days, cus it keeps me from thinkin bout stupid stuff and i really enjoy our time together, no kidding.

well geek friend, u need to tell us more bout whats going on w ur life. tell us how u really feel. i cant hide anything lol thats why ive been telling u guys everything ever since i came out to u guys. tell us things we need to catch up w. and try praying once :) because He does listen.

peace out !

more vietnam

this vietnam trip is getting funner and funner now. im getting used to everything here again and i actually cant even imagine me leaving this city on the 29th :(. i ll miss my people, and that hurts.

i kinda went on a quan 1 tour by myself yesterday. i love this city i love quan 1 too much i keep wanting to walk and walk around the area without even knowing where im going. just keep walking and walking and you ll find a way i guess.

now that im away from church. i actually miss it. the church itself and its people. but if i had to choose if i wanted to stay here or go back to the us, it ll not be enuff for me to decide to go back. too many things here too many people here i cant stand leaving them behind. of course im flying back in 3 more weeks. but when im done w school, this ll be the place i wanna be. walking round quan 1 remids me that i belong to no place else but here, forreal.

k gonna go to coopmart to get chicken wings then shower then maybe cafe at night.

peace out !!!!

and this song somehow makes lots of sense to me :o

And my mates are all there trying to calm me down
'Cause I'm shouting your name all over town
I'm swearing if i go there now
I can change your mind turn it all around

Oh sometimes love is intoxicating
Oh you're coming down your hands are shaking
When you realize there's no one waiting

New Year's Eve

boi vi chta da co buoi toi vui nhat tren doiiiiiiii. tu tap o nha con Mau de don nam moi. 9h t v con Hien da toi. con Hien ruoc t o cho nha hang ma gd t di an v may gd o cty. sau do 2 con di mua bia ma mac co cai noi cho 4 lon ken xong fai way ra gia bo hoi "Hien oi bo m uong 4 lon fai ko" :)) 2 con cuoi nhu 2 con be dien. toi Mau goi cho Bom thi Bom toi chua toi dc ba noi benh. doi toi gan 10h30 con Hien doi ve. da khui bia uong cho con Hien ve r. cuoi cung bi t v con Mau niu keo nen o lai. Thank God con Bom da tl la se den. r no dem banh kem toi. nam 1 hoi chup hinh tu dong r fb r chat v ku haha con ku noi wa dung buoi di choi se ko the tron ben neu ko co hinh tu dung 10s 5 tam haha. luc nay con Mau da buon ngu kho chiu toi noi gion cung ko cuoi. con Bom thi nam i ra muon di ngu. video call v con Ku trong luc co ay cung dang ngai ngu. 11h35 moi di len san thuong. r lay banh. cam nen. dot nen. chta wen uoc do tui bay nho ko vay haha. chup hinh dep nua. dot may cai fao bong t mua chup hinh wa dep. thay t thong minh ko mua cho tui bay do. r an uong nc. that mac cuoi. thoi khac nam moi troi wa luc nao ko biet vi ko dua nao dem dong ho hay fone len. h ngoi type ma muon way nguoc tgian 1 ngay de tro lai :). that de thuong. 4 dua uong 2 lon Ken ma t thay t da uong het 1 lon ruoi. ma uong vay vui do. tuy hoi nhuc dau va mat do do nhung t thay no hay hay. tham chi hnay dang di len sg t da them bia o.o chet r t da ngien Ken !!! r di xuong. r don dep. toi luc di ngu thi 2 con Bom v Mau tinh nhu sao nc nhu chim hot ko ngi. con Mau con cu noi t tam su di Yen tam su di Yen haha luc do t buon ngu t muon nc ko noi luon o do ma tam su. cuoi cung t la ng ngu dau tien r toi con Hien thi fai. y dinh di club chua toi dau vi n co be ngoan hien ko muon fa bo hinh thuong :D. nhung t muon di thu. chta con tre. hay dai kho diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii !!!